Yes!!! I made it! I feel normal again. It’s the morning after one of those crap nights where I feel like I want to kick a brick.
Last night was the worst! It’s weird every once in a while I get blue for no reason. I mean nothing is wrong. Everything is fine at home and there’s no reason to be so down.
Oddly, the first thing I turn to is a hug from food. It’s this unexplainable force that draws me to chew on anything. I just chew, chew, chew and before you know it I’ve consumed a whole day’s worth of calories in one sitting. It’s a horrific habit. I’m pretty adamant that I want to change it.
I’ve been paying attention a lot this time around while I have been trying to lose weight. I’m trying to learn about myself because I’ve been trying to lose the same 20-40 lbs for two decades.
What are my patterns?
Why am I so all in right now?
Why will I falter and give up?
What always makes me give up?
Why do I get so blue?
What I do know for sure is that when I do get blue and melancholy, it is GAME ON when it comes to eating.
I know I go through these periods where I get bummed and that I sabotage myself with overeating and then that propels me to feel even more like a huge ass.
So this time around I drank water and just really asked myself, “Why was I upset.” I just sat there and forced myself to think, “Why do you want food, Diana?”
Are you hungry? No
Are you angry? No
I realized it had more to do with the fact that I spent a day at an open house that no one came to and it felt quite wasteful. I had a freaking hundred other things to get done. I love my job, but I don’t like to waste time. I think that I was feeling like I had wasted time that day.
But when I stop to think about it, I have to get used to this new career in Real Estate. Sometimes waiting around for nothing is the name of the game. You never know when someone will walk in who needs your help buying a house, so you have to sit around and wait. I did get some emails out and make some calls. Gosh, you’d think I’d be happy to be away from all those kids for a while!
So I stopped bitching about myself and knocking myself down about it. I got over myself and my slow open house day.
I mean really what would overeating solve on top of a less than productive day at work? It only would have made me feel more annoyed with myself, I would feel bad about myself. I would sabotage my new eating lifestyle and I would be gassy on top of all that… ?
So I did what’s called “hanging up the day.”
I went upstairs, I brushed, flossed, I used mouthwash. I closed my mouth down for the night. I drank a huge glass of water and I said my prayers and I went to bed.
And sometimes that’s the best you can do… ??
I woke up in the morning feeling like I beat the beast! I felt triumphant!