Hi friends. My name is Ms. Diana Paquet and I am the host of The Diana Show. I am an adoptive step, biological and dog mom of five, six, if you include the dog. I’m married to the love of my life, Thomas.
And together we’re shepherding a four-year-old girl, three teenage girls, and a 19-year-old boy. It is a wild ride. Lots of eye-rolling, door slamming, long conversations late at night. But you know what? Also, lots of laughter and tons of joy.
I’ve really reached this place where I just want to chase some fun and learn new things and explore. And I’m just so curious. I just started roller skating again. What’s up with that? I’m surrounded by real friends and I’m just in this good place.
But even so, I still struggle with Insecurity, Worthiness, Imposter Syndrome, shame, and sometimes fear. So through my podcast, I’m chasing down stories of vulnerability, honesty, and tips and tricks on becoming a better version of a human. And I thank you for joining me on this journey. I’d love to hear from you. If you ever want to connect, you can always find me at Ms.Dianapake on Instagram or email me at Dianapake one at Gmail. And with that, on with the show.
Guys, thanks for tuning in today. It’s me, Diana Paquet, on the mic for you. I am talking today about a subject that’s really been plaguing me for the last, I don’t know, like eight weeks.
And I’m trying so hard to make the leap and do better with the way that I’m thinking about the subject. But it’s really hard for me. So without going into all the detail because I really can’t, I have a person in my life who is not the nicest to me and this is not a person that I can just be like, hey, I’m done, I’m cutting you off. I’m not going to be your friend anymore. I have had friendships like this where I wasn’t ready to let go, but I don’t have any friendships like this anymore.
I do not have any eggshell friendships where I feel like I can’t share my wins because they will be jealous or act weird about it.
I have had those in the past where it’s uncomfortable, to be honest, and be my true authentic self because I was just a little too extra for whatever friend or they weren’t feeling good about themselves. So therefore they couldn’t find it themselves to feel good about my life or whatever.
But this person is someone who’s a permanent person in my life and it just is so intertwined that it’s not going away. And I have a lot of fear around the way that this person behaves and sadness and anxiety and honestly downright anger because there’s no reason for this person to act like this to me. I haven’t done anything to this person. If anything, I’ve done a lot of nice things for this person. And it irritates them even further.
And so it’s a hard thing if people who are very close to me, I talk to them about it and tell them the truth of the matter. And they’re like, oh, it’s jealousy. That person is jealous of you. Even so, it’s still really hard to swallow. It’s really hard to swallow having to be around someone who makes back bitty comments or says kind of mean things where you kind of like, look to the side and you’re like, oh, that didn’t feel so good.
And to know that for many, many years in the past, I’ve communicated about my feelings around it that hurts my feelings or that it makes me feel like I can’t be honest about who I really am or that if there’s something I did, please let me know. I would gladly apologize, but this person just isn’t in that place. They don’t do the work on themselves. Whatever form that takes therapy, self-help books, whatever leap you need to take to get to be a better version of yourself. This person is not in the place to be doing that.
And so I have to put up with it a lot. And it’s hard. And it’s hard on a lot of the people that are around this person as well. And I’ve been trying to really make the leap into getting into a better mind frame about it because it’s taken up way, frankly, way, way too much of my headspace. And there are so many things that are going right in my life.
So many things that are fun and cool. So many like the new sex in the city thing just came out. And I’ve got my neighborhood girlfriends, and we’re doing watch parties, and we’re surprising our husbands with stuff. And there are a lot of good things going on in my life. But I spend a lot of time in my head worrying about how this person behaves because they aren’t someone that I can just be like, you know what?
Sorry, I’m done. You’re toxic to be around so I can’t be around you. And that’s because of relationships, other entwined relationships that pause where I’m like, that’s because I’m trying to figure out why the hell do I have to put up with this crap from this person? But I do.
I just do. And I had other people in my life. I used to have to put up with a lot of crap for my husband when he was my husband. And then when he became my ex-husband, it became worse because we had kids together. But he had no investment at all anymore in being kind or being honest or anything.
And so he just went off the rails. And I spent a lot of time in my head being bothered by the things that he would say. Like, I would think about the emails that I would send him. And I would say it in the nicest way possible and all that. And he would just be like, I mean, he would come back and just call me the worst C-word ever.
All the time he was verbally abusive. But what happened was I did like Justin Timberlake and I put the Dick in a box. I just pretty much was like, this is who he is. This is how he is. Hopefully one day he’ll evolve into a bigger version of himself and he’ll get happy, and he’ll be a great example for my son XYZ, and my daughter.
But he’s not right now. And so I can’t really let the way that he wants to live his life and the things that he says about me or the lies that he tells about me or that he goes online and tells untruths about me, I can’t really let that affect my day to day anymore. So I put the Dick in a box, and that’s where he is. Like, for me, mentally, I really like, I’m not even lying, you know, I’m honest with you guys. I rarely ever even think about the guy anymore because he’s an ass.
And he says rude things to me, and he says rude things about me, and he’s emotionally very small. And so I just don’t think about him that much anymore. I don’t really deal with him that much anymore. And part of that is because he moved out of state, but it’s way easier with him now for me. And I have some friendships that were tough for a while, and they went sideways.
I’ve talked about that before where I had a friendship that went sideways. And so a lot of other friendships went sideways because of it. And it really bothered me for a while. And then I just kind of put that situation in a box too, because it’s like, hey, what can I do? I really love my life.
I really love my husband. I love the good friends that I do have, and I’m happy.
I don’t know. Maybe time heals all wounds. I don’t know. But this particular person in my life that I struggle with, I think it’s because I have to spend some time with them coming up. Every time we do have to spend time together, it’s fairly miserable unless that person is in a great place.
Sometimes that person is in a great place because something’s going right in their life, and they are really, really happy. And so then we’re all happy. And I’m like, Yay, I’m rooting for that person. We’re in a happy place. Yay.
You know, like gifts all around, champagne all around. But because things are probably how they usually are, which is not in a great place, then we all have to be dealing with the wrath. And I’m sure that all of you can relate to the relationships that you have in your life. It’s really, really hard. And so I’m struggling with that thing.
Maybe I could just ask for some good Juju Or shake the beads for me or say your prayers or whatever it is you do Because it’s really freaking hard and I’m trying my hardest. I’m reading the books. I’m praying about it.
I’m coming to terms with the fact that I’m just going to have to put that Dick in a box too. I can’t believe I said that three times, but it’s true. What am I going to do? I can’t change the way that this person receives me. I haven’t done anything to this person.
If anything, I’ve been nicer to this person than I am to everyone And I can’t overcompensate any more than I already have. It just got to be me. So this is an area I’m struggling with. This is something that I hope when I think about being 55 years old and writing a letter back to my 50-year-old self, I think my 55-year-old self would say, you know what, Diana? You just got to let it go Because you can’t control anybody else.
You can’t control the way they think, the way they can talk their lives, what they do, how they feel about you, the things they say about you, and just look at the average that’s like one person in my life And I’ve got a lot of other things going, really right and awesome. I think it’s about focus and yeah, it’s funny because I talked to friends about I was talking to a girlfriend that I was walking with this morning And I was telling her and she was like, oh, my God, that sounds just like my XYZ in my life that I have to deal with that I can’t just cut out Because it’s not like a simple friendship. It’s like a complicated relationship in your life. Anyway, thank you for listening to me rant invent and now I’m going to go pick up my little girl from school. I hope that this is finding you having a good week.
If it’s not finding you having a great week, I’m sending you out a big hug with my voice Because I’ve been there too and shit ain’t easy, people. We are all trying to strive and grow and change and be better versions of ourselves and stay in the moment and all that stuff. So big hugs and thank you for listening. Have a great day. Thank you so much for listening to my show.
Did you know that word of mouth is the best way for a podcast to spread? I would love for you to tell someone if there was any part of this conversation that resonated with you. And don’t forget, if you ever want to reach out, I’m on Instagram at Ms. Diana Paquet. Bye, friend.