So here’s me. I’m Diana. See that leftover mascara from last night under my eyes? See the baby sleeping on me because my boobs seem to be her favorite place to nap since birth? That’s me today. No deodorant, haven’t gotten to my teeth, jittery from my third cup of coffee in a shirt from yesterday. Boo!
Somedays I have my shit together… I really do. Other days? Other days are sometimes such a circus that I feel like I’m drowning in 5 kids’ needs, (ranging from 8 months to 15 years old).
I’m mucking around in guilt over not having time to work as much as I should. Feeling when I do work, that I don’t have the time to be a good new wifey. It’s all amazing and wonderful and a blessing and I struggle for balance like a MOFO!
I want to write because I have stuff to say, but the topics are all over the place. Like many of you, I’ve lived a big, wide, vast and varied life. I don’t want to limit my writings to one topic.
I post a lot on Facebook but I’m a big believer in trying to stay as positive as possible and only venting my dirty laundry amongst friends. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not above putting up a photo of myself looking silly or ugly, I just don’t think Facebook is really the place to talk about the down and dirty. I like to use Facebook more like a scrapbook to keep in touch with family who is far away.
Many times when I’m out my friends come up to me and say “I see all your posts on Facebook and you look like you’re doing so great” or better yet, “you look so happy all the time!” Well, it’s true, I am pretty damn happy. I just also wanted a place to talk about the whole journey, not just the grinning bits I put up on Facebook.
I guess I just felt that if you were going to come to this place to read what I was writing, I’m not victimizing you by dumping my stories (of cussing at the kids on the way to church) on your FB or Insta feed. My stories sometimes are hard. Blending our family is hard. Being a woman is hard!
So if you can relate to someone who has dealt with a loved one having cancer, adopting a child out of foster care, parenting teenagers or loving five kids under one roof, I’m your girl!
We also have three adult kids from Thomas’ first relationship (his stepkids). Umm yes, that’s eight kids total!
Or if you’ve suffered through a hideous and hurtful divorce (and the ramifications of that on your kiddos) you might relate to me. I had a looong divorce (fought mostly about money) and finally, I am newly divorced as of June 2017.
I’m still battling through that and walking the line… Should I give in to the bully or stand up and fight? At the end of the day, what is best for my kiddos to witness me doing? I make hard judgment calls nearly every day because he’s still harassing me almost every day.
Also, I found the man of my dreams, Thomas, much too soon after my separation and I’m newly married as of August 2017. We are crazy and wildly in love, like two horny teenagers.
We went to Hawaii for what I thought might be an engagement and I came home with a stowaway. Our baby girl Lincoln Kiana is just nine months old today! She is the light of our lives and we named her Lincoln because she literally links us all together. It’s such a joy to see each kid love on her. Even on days when these biological/step/adopted siblings don’t like each other very much, they all have this doughball full of squishy, juiciness that they all love!
Another central theme in our lives is step-parenting. He loves mine, I love his. But it’s not easy every day.
All days I love and some days I struggle to parent his daughter, my stepdaughter Aaralyn. Her Mom passed and I’m the replacement Mama who’s winging it. Anyone out there a step-parent? That shit is hard!!
Thomas seems to excel at step parenting. He’s read a lot about it and his older step kiddos (Tony 27, Malia 20 and Sierra 18) broke him in. He’s been a step parent since he was 27. He’s patient and he’s kind. He always puts love above discipline. He’s very well loved and accepted as a stepdad. Insert smirk.
I’m not any of that. It’s hard to deal with kids when you are jumping into their lives late in the game. They don’t always like me and frankly, I feel the same.
Also, I’ve been overweight off and on my whole life, started Weight Watchers last week.
I’d venture a guess that I’ve been trying to lose 20 – 60 pounds my whole adult life. That’s a lot of time to carry that much extra weight and I’d like to find a solution.
I started a new career in real estate recently, which I enjoy. I struggle with feeling lost and really, this year after our baby Lincoln was born, I’ve had to (wanted to) readapt my career to be home with her as much as possible. I’ve never been mostly at home. It’s lovely and lonely and weird. The go-getter in me feels like a loser and the last time Mom in me says “stay on the carpet with this precious little one. This is your last chance baby!”
We are surrounded by a loving Village of friends. We have fashioned them into a family. The men get along fine and enjoy beers and laughs together, help each other with remodeling projects and rides to the airport. If they disagree you barely notice it. They are funny, easy and loving to each other. They are men, it’s not complicated.
…and the girls? It’s complicated. We all love so hard, we cook double recipes to share, we pick up one another’s kids from school, do grocery runs for each other, lend clothes and encourage and cling to each other. But also what comes along with all that helpfulness and sweetness to each other is that we can be all such bitches to each other. We judge, we stretch the truth, we gossip… women are so hard. I’m always wondering why?
I can’t limit the topics that I will write about. My life IS a beautiful circus.
Having a surprise pregnancy at 45, my obsession with decluttering and keeping a peaceful home is all that makes me ME.
Feeling way in over my head financially, loving God, but having questions with Christianity and generally organized religion is all things that will pop into this blog.
So sky’s the limit… as is my life.
Thanks for reading
Diana